forgiveness...

If you keep up with me you'll know that my weight loss journey has been stagnant for the past month and a half. I am finding my motivation again in the midst of everything I have going on in my life.

As I was searching for some motivational quotes the other day I came across one that really impacted my thoughts. Its written by a motivational speaker named Wayne Dyer. It says "Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done. Its always your choice."

It really made me think about my own situation. This quote said so many things to me. I was able to connect it in the manner that so much of my own misery comes from the fact that I can't forgive myself.

Starting from a young age we are taught that ideal beauty comes from being stick skinny. We spend all of our time trying to measure up to this standard. When ideally we should have been taught that ideal beauty comes with a healthy self image.

All my life I was never good enough because I wasn't small like the other girls. I was fat and who could love a fat girl? I find this idea haunts me to the day. Its a constant struggle to fight the idea.

However when I feel like I don't have the strength to battle these thoughts, I am the least forgiving with myself. I don't know how to be ok with not achieving the goal I was to meet for the day whether it be my eating or my working out. This in turn leads to my lack of motivation and hence misery.

So, as I am starting to get my thoughts in order again so that i may have the motivatin to hit the gym hard, I realize I need to forgive myself. Forgive myself for not being good enough, strong enough, skinny enough, beautiful enough, normal enough and so on.

Its ok to forgive myself. In order to unload this weight I need to unload all the emotional weight I've been carrying around. That has by far outweighed any physical weight I've ever carried. So now is a good time as any to begin to tell myself "I forgive you." I hope that you all can find it in yourselves to do the same.

Happy workouts to all...

39 days to a more positive me...

I'm back after a brief leave of absence. Its like when I feel like I've lost all motivation it finds me in my darkest hour. Ironically it all started with a Facebook post.

My friend commented how she was giving up Facebook for lent. My rude ego thought, "what is the sacrifice in giving up Facebook?" Me and my friend even had a conversation about it and she explained. Then it dawned on me. Who am I to judge? Lent isn't even a part of my religion.

So its been decided. In support of my friend and our friendship I will make a sacrifice. I find that in life you have to always have a positive outlook. Not a day passes when I don't have a negative thought towards myself. It sounds rather trivial but in support of my friend I will make a conscious effort to be positive.

Its my first official day of positivity and I must say it feels good to be ok with yesterday's mistakes. Every time I feel those negative thoughts creeping up on me I say something positive.

I know that eventually I will finish my weight-loss journey. Even though I may have bad days I will use these next 39 days to build a new habit; positivism. Positivism will be coming where ever I go including the gym. Positivism will have breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks with me. I hope to find that by Easter I wont have to consciously carry it with me and I will be able to say I am a positive person.

"Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours"--Swedish Proverb
Happy workouts to all!!