Biggest Loser Tuesday...

So as you all know I take Tuesdays off to watch TV. Lol. Today was a plain, boring day. I'm feeling a bit anxious about everything. I feel like my workout is getting monotonous. It’s that two week itch. lol. Around every two weeks I start to feel like I need to change it up again. My phases are four weeks long so I'm halfway there and determined to finish this phase. lol.

This has gotten me thinking a lot about my future fitness goals. I feel like no matter what opportunities we are presented with we cannot make a change until we are ready. I went to a trainer for months and then when I stopped I gained it all back. All that money spent paying for the trainer went down the drain and I watched it go a dollar at a time. But there's no use in living in the past. It is about moving forward. As I watched the Biggest Loser, I thought of how some of the contestants have taken their opportunity for granted. After a little self reflection, I realized that not many people can afford to pay for a trainer and I had that, but I guess I just wasn’t ready.

Today, I feel ready. I feel like there is no stopping me but at the same time I'm afraid of what's to come. I have to say that, although I do miss my family terribly, moving to a city far away from them has helped me find that motivation to lose weight and change my eating habits. I always worry when it comes time to see them or spend time with them, not because they don't support me, but because I want to hide under their wings from the world.
The true issue at hand that has kept me on a weight roller coaster all my life is fear. Fear of failure and fear of ridicule. I can remember being a kid and my aunt offering to put me in girl scouts. I wanted to be a girl scout so badly but the first thought that came to my mind was "I won’t be able to find a girl scout uniform big enough." I couldn't have been more then ten years old. I never did join the girl scouts. I just said no and brushed it off even though I would have loved to do it. This was only the beginning of the many things I wouldn't accomplish because of fear.
Many times overweight people are seen as just lazy. It’s a common to hear "hey what’s the big deal just get off your ass and quit pigging out." Although an over weight person might be unwilling to exercise or constantly feeding on loads of junk food, if you haven't been there you can't understand how much emotion every extra pound carries. I have begun to understand how much I underestimate myself. I can't completely change it overnight but I know that my path is leading me to self acceptance. I believe it’s great to take the time to contemplate your situation. I know that I, as well as others that I have watched, are guilty of acting like we are giving it our all but in reality we are lying to ourselves. Yet we have the audacity to wonder why we failed. This can apply to all parts of life not just weight loss.  Life is about becoming accountable for your actions. I may be afraid but I refuse to become a watcher of life and not a participator.  I read a lovely quote on Bob Harper's tweets that pertains perfectly to this; "It is not enough to be present in your life. You must participate."  For me, it's a slow and steady path to participation...Happy Workouts to all!!